Liberty or Loss?

I'm a nursing mother. Correction, I was a nursing mother. How does Tavish feel about that? Well, I'm sure there are moments for him like the illustration below, but it was largely his decision so I think he's mostly just fine with it. The real question is how do I feel about this? Well, I feel free, unsure and ... astutly aware of the passage of time.


MOMENT: It just ... happened

I has been one week today since our last feeding together. It sounds like an opening line at a support group or something - I'm not that torn up about it, but I do recognize that it's a milestone. Since I created a blog to have a place to record these moments, I'm writing about it. I decided to let Tavish direct the pace of weaning since there really are so many perks to nursing (his health, my health, the cost, the convenience - to name a few) and we have the fortune of being together full-time. So, for at least 2 or 3 months, he's been down to nursing only 1 or 2 times in a 24 hour period. We tried to introduce whole cow's milk a few months ago which was met with flat-out rejection. We tried whole goat's milk later which was accepted with hesitance and caution. It was quite the scene the first time he requested "milk" (sign language) at the table with his Dad. It went something like this: pause, "milk" (done slowly and intentionally), watch his Daddy reach for the sippy cup, pause, look down at his hand, "milk", have the sippy cup offered to him, slowly take a sip, stop suddenly, eyes bulge then 'bleck' - repeat. Over the last month though, goat milk has garnered a fan in Tavish. When he requests milk during the daytime, it will be asked of either Tom or I; we were down to just once in a 24 hour period. Last Thursday, he woke up at 5am and the 'usual' happened: I stagger in to retrieve him from his crib, bring him to our bed, nurse him, tap Tom, Tavish sits and puts his arms up, Tom returns him to bed, we all sleep. Friday, he woke up at 730 and when I entered his room, he requested food. Um, okay - let's go with that. All day, "milk" from the fridge did the trick. Same thing happened Saturday morning. I considered us weaned. Then Sunday morning happened, at 530. Tom went in. Crying escalated "Mama? "milk, milk, milk" with vehement pointing to our room. There was no sleeping for anyone until 700am. We entered his room, Tavish requested food. Not milk. Not Mommy. Ah, it all of a sudden dawned on us - milk in the night is a habit ... more of a routine that encourages him falling back asleep. So, we decided to stick with the state of weaning he'd started. It's over. Although, he did ask for milk during the day on Tuesday after his nap, I said "okay, let's go get some milk from the fridge" - he quietly demonstrated his displeasure with that suggestion and asked to be picked up. Once he was on my lap, he asked "milk" and pointed at me. I replied gently "no, Sweetie - milk is downstairs in the fridge". He wimpered a little, then snuggled into me "would you like to read a story?" - fist nodding (yes) and we did. That was that. All before he turned a year and a half. I mostly think it's liberating for both of us. Ultimately, the only real 'loss' is to our wallets ... the Mama Mart was always open, always available, always set at the right temperature and always free!

MOMENT: We're okay Mommy

Only a few hours after the above entry, Sir Tavish requested some milk. So, with a full sippycup we headed for the couch. I find that in the afternoon, he drinks a lot of it and it's nice to snuggle up together. That's exactly what we did. While he drank away sitting on my lap, he slowly reclined to a cradle position. He was relaxed, I was content - it was a nice snuggle. When he was finished he sat up, looked at me, smiled then leaned in for a big, looong hug. He patted by back and rubbed my arm. When he pulled out of the embrace, he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Aw, did he opt to read this blog while I was out of the room or something? What an intuitive little fella. These truly are the moments of motherhood that are to be remembered and cherished.

Bookshelf

Tavish has long enjoyed books. Right from the beginning, we would lay next to him and read to him, holding to books up so he could see the pictures. Dr. Suess books used to elicit excited leg kicking. He enjoys quiet time amid a stack of books to flip through. Board books have been requested in his crib for months now. Recently though, board books have been taking a back seat to the full-sized paper books. He's incredibly gentle (no casualties to report at this time) and we think he has excellent taste ...



MOMENT: Paddling Pleasure

Yay! He likes it! We know that paddling in our little red canoe is enjoyable for the whole family after several successful paddles this summer with Tavish. Now I can be reminded of this more often as this great book is one of his current top picks for books: One-Dog Canoe. This warms my heart on these cool fall days (where the heck did summer go so quickly anyway?!?). The illustrations are wonderful. Tavish can point out all of the details starting with the obvious: boa (boat), wuuuugh (dog), wa-wa-wa (water - with sign language accompaniment) but also the sound effect for fish (picture a guppy face), woohoo (loon) and can point out the beaver, wolf (awwwo), moose, frog, turtle and the paddle. I remember reading this to Tavish in the car last spring on our way to take him for his first ever paddle ... he loathed the lifejacket then, now - he scrambles right into in and waits eagerly to be put in the boat. It's now a family passion ... again, yay - he likes it!



MOMENT: Love is in the Air

I purchased this collection of stories back in Toronto when I was pregnant. At a Shopper's Drug Mart, no less. I believe that there may have been some nesting going on at the time. Needless to say, the stories have been brought out from time to time, but now - the book is saught out by Tavish. There are five sweet stories in there and he enjoys hearing all of them in one sitting. Many of them have animals which elicits sound effects as well as other images that he loves "bah bah bah" (ball). Yup, more warm Mommy heart over here. How can you not become a giant mush-ball? My baby wants to snuggle and listen to stories about how much I love him. The secret bonus for me is that I get to share lots of kisses on his head while I read it. Ah, I'm in love.

The Apple of our Eye

Today was a Bedford family day of fun at Mountain Orchard. There were apples to be picked, hay to be jumped into, a corn maze to be explored and a tractor ride to be experienced. Good stuff.






MOMENT: The Fruit of our Labour Day

For Tavish, it was the tractor that stole the show today. From the moment he got out of the car (after he got over his excitement over seeing Grandpa Mike), he was fascinated by the tractor that was there to pull a wagon full of eager apple pickers to the orchard. He stood next to the huge wheels in awe. It was big. "Vroom Vroom". He would become relentless in his requests for food, until the tractor started up. Didn't matter if it was nearby or a few rows of apple trees away - instant distraction. Although it was the tractor that undoubtedly made memories for Tavish, it was the apple eating ... er, um ... I mean 'picking' that created a sticky sweet memory in our minds. Literally. After a small snack (the tractor was nowhere in sight, so his original mission was back 'on'), we brought Tavish over to the apple trees. We helped him pick an apple. Sitting down immediately (we've been working on sit-while-you-eat thing), he bit into the apple. Cool - I picked it from that tree and now I'm eating it. Nothing could come between he and his apple ... well, other than the occasional tractor sighting. He had juice everywhere and was very content - the world just flowed along past him. Other children were eagerly filling bags, wanting to pick more and more. Tavish just sat there, eating. When that apple was done, we took him to another row - mmm, MacIntosh apples. First pick: sit and chew. Two apples down. Um, how much fiber is too much fiber anyway? When there was barely a core left of the second apple (although, he does share often with Mommy and Daddy mercifully), we were off to pick some more. If our back was turned for even a moment, an apple made its way into his mouth. Let's hope the saying is true that an apple (or two+) a day keeps the doctors away because with the pile of apples on our kitchen counter, we're going to have one healthy baby!

Country Mouse

We were off to a local farm in the greenbelt to purchase some goods for our first soiree into canning. We knew there were some organic and bio-dynamic tomatoes to be had, but we did not know about the fun that was to be had with chickens, ducks and a cat - oh my!





MOMENT: Tavish talks 'animal'

I'll admit it - I dressed him in overalls on purpose. However, I had no idea how well Tavish would fit in at this farm. It's hard to believe that his parents are mice of a different breed: city mice. However, Tavish was at ease following around the chickens. He spoke to them: "bok, bok, bok". Sure, they waundered away - but maybe they understood him? He had less luck catching up with the flock of ducks. He gave it his best: "qwa, qwa" - but it was more difficult to discern and it turns out that they are faster movers and shakers than the chickens. The barn cat took a serious liking to Tavish though. Finally, there was something following him around. It rubbed up against him and purred. Tavish laughed, even when he was knocked over. He looked like he fit in so well there. Huh, maybe we've got a little country living here in our city home afterall?

Pizza Pleasure

I wouldn't exactly describe Tavish as being picky when it comes to food, but make this guy some homemade pizza and it's instant belly bulge!



MOMENT: Some for you, more for me

Last night I decided to make some pizza from scratch. This isn't a first by any stretch, but it was a first for Tavish joining in. As a result, I opted to make the toppings more digestion friendly for the little fella (smaller). It was a wholewheat flax thin crust pizza with: spinach, zuchinni (grated), broccoli, red pepper, tomato, onion, cheddar and goat cheese. I'd offered him a piece of homemade pizza awhile back and was flatly refused. A different story last night. I'd no sooner go to take a piece for myself after cutting him a few pieces for his plate that I'd see him emphatically signing "more, more, more". He loved the stuff! Who knew flour, tomato sauce, veggies and some cheese could pretty much take a child over? It was like he was possessed - pizzaessed I guess. Sauce and crumbs were everywhere. His belly bulged as usual at the end of the meal, but his face had the extra appearance of gratitude. Well Tavish, it was my pleasure to make pizza for you, next time - I'll make more though ... Mommy and Daddy's tummies were not bulging when the pizza was gone!

Friend Frenzy

Our 3 dear friends, Jode, Carol and their son, Jasper, came to Ottawa from Toronto for 3 nights of delight. Jasper and Tavish were 'due' 3 days apart and their Mommys spent a great deal of time together during our pregnancies and for the first 3 months of the boys' life (before we moved to Ottawa). Um, it's starting to sound like 3 is the magic number. Anyway, Tavish and Jasper really were each others 'first' buddy and after a hiatus from with each other because of geography, they rekindled their 'buddy-hood' seamlessly, entertainingly and heartwarmingly. For the boys and their parents, it was a frenzy of fun.



MOMENT: You're funny! No, you're funny!

The boys took to each other quickly and easily - no problems at all. Tavish was excited to see Jasper in the morning. I'd go into his room and although he lately has been less welcoming when you get in there (I don't get it, why cry out for me repeatedly and then when I get in there, want to stay in your crib - huh?), but all I had to say was: "would you like to go and see Jasper?" and the fist was going (yes) accompanied by the usual "uh-uh-uh" and his arms up. When we were part way down the stairs, Jasper would come running to see Tavish and they'd smile ... then laugh. Just getting to see each other was funny. Once they were together - the funny times began. They'd often be found one chasing the other laughing hysterically, sometimes 'yelling' and frequently stopping for a hug. Seriously, it was that cute. When we were at the Children's Museum and they'd stumble upon one another, there was the hug and some more following and laughing. One time Tavish had to crawl through a small area and just decided to continue crawling, so Jasper got down on all fours and played along. Then, they'd laugh - presumably because they were crawling? After swimming at the hotel, they played peek-a-boo with the lockers. Funny stuff. Tavish was also spotted playing peek-a-boo purely for Jasper's entertainment from the 'little house' in our backyard. He'd close the shutters and then open them with a delighted squeal and huge smile. "Jasper? Did you see that? You've gotta come check this place out!" Hahaha, yes Tavish - you're funny. In the playroom at the hotel, they took turns 'driving' the firetruck ... by 'driving' I mean that one would sit in it and the other would push them around. At one point, Jasper crawled into the truck with Tavish. Hahaha, no Jasper - you're funny. Neither of them seemed to mind the close quarters. Ah, friendship blooming at a young age. Perhaps it's partly the influence of modeled behaviour? Carol and I tend to squeal with excitment when we see one another and although I'm putting words in her mouth - we find each other pretty funnny too ... hmmm. Good friends are good stuff.

Family is Everything

It's true. There were many wonderful moments of 'family' on our Mcfayden Family Reunion Weekend in Nestor Falls. I will share only a few ...




MOMENTS: Children Caring for Children

Generally, the older great-grandchildren (Connor, Liam, Cameron, Logan and Paige) were running all over the place playing together while Tavish and Warren stayed closer to the adults. Although the child to child interaction with these two 'babies' was wonderful. When Logan arrived (the first other 'child' to arrive), Tavish toddled over, looked up at him and smiled. He just stood there, staring and eager to be involved in anything Logan had going on. It was followed up on our last night in town over dinner, where Logan hugged Tavish (smile) and they played together. Cute cousins. On the weekend, Tavish was sitting on my lap when Cameron came into the room and Tavish reached out for a hug. When I told Cameron he wanted to go to him, Cameron said "okay". I helped Cameron hold Tavish for a hug ... Cameron said "wow, he's heavy". The ended up sharing a chair for awhile and Cameron read Tavish a story. When Tavish looked up at Cameron while he was listening to the story, he spotted Cameron's hat and patted his head (hat). I translated: "that means hat". Cameron stopped reading when he heard that "oh, here you go" he said and plopped his hat onto Tavish's head. Tavish was elated. It was cute. When Cameron left he said "bye Tavish, I'm going to go and play with my other friends now". Aw. The adoration for younger children continued - Tavish was entranced by Warren. "Bay-bee". Tavish was always looking for a way to hug Warren when someone he knew was holding him. He was gentle and always patted the baby lightly on the back (or the arm of the person holding Warren, it turns out). He also stood at the side of the playpen when Warren was sleeping and would whisper "bay-bee, shhh". It's great to see all of these children being gentle with one another and enjoying being a family.

MOMENT: Shy Guy

I learned something about our little guy: he's friendly and responsive, but not always immediately and never when picked up prematurely by a 'stranger'. Huh, guess there aren't a lot of people who pick him up other than us usuals. So, when we passed through Nestor Falls on our way in from Winnipeg, he was overtly uninterested in going to anyone other than Grandma, Grandpa or Mommy. No Auntie Katy. No Uncle Merle. This was more obvious with more people over the weekend. There was no way he was going to sit quietly in the arms of anyone beyone the three of us. As the weekend progressed, Tavish extended his list of acceptable people to be picked up by. Uncle Murry had worked his way onto the list as had Auntie Katy, maybe others too. I love our family and how it keeps growing; it was wonderful for me to have my son among my extended family. After years of watching the other great grandchildren grow up at these functions, it was touching to see my son included in it. It had that: 'it takes a whole village to raise a child' feel to it. I didn't worry when he was out of my site, I knew he was okay. Everyone has their eye out for everyone, especially the children. It was wonderful. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with a longing for my Grandma to be there with us. She would have loved every moment of it. I miss her, but it feels so good to know that she met Tavish and that her unconditional love lingers on through her family. A family that all cared enough to come together simply for the purpose of being together. Tom, Tavish and I are so fortunate to be surrounded by family on both sides and it is nice to see Tavish become less shy with family as time goes on.